Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
