i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
