I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The feeling are messing with the penis
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
