Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i will never coherently bang her
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
