so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
