Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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