Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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