Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
