I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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