sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Randomize
