did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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