i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
