He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
