If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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