I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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