do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Randomize
