Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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