It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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