I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
