I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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