Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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