I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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