U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
pray to the hookup gods
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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