i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
pop tarts are not kleenex
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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