We're like a lot better than the average bears
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
