Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
