Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
