My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I have fence marks all over my body
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
