well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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