She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
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The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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