I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's rum buckets o'clock
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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