I'm going to jail i love you
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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