Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
