he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
