I queefed so loud it echoed.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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