don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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