When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We are two peas in an std pod
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
