Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize
