this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
