She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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