i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
