So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
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You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
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I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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