True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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