That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
