How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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