did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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