she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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