My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
