ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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