Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
