One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just found puke in my bra..
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
