At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
