yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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