You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
