somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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