nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
