I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
