I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
