i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
