Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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