The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
