I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit