I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
