found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
