Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?