I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
