break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
